I almost made it through the entire day without crying. I was up early with a teething baby, and out the door to work before my eyes were even fully open. Then I got to work and had students waiting for me. I then taught all day, ate a quick lunch, and finished off with my last class doing group work where a lot of guidance was needed. And then it happened... I burst into tears and sat at my desk. In the last 8 years, this has been the longest I have made it without a breakdown. You would think that my heart wouldn't ache so bad after all this time, but it does. I would have thought naming my daughter after Rachael would make it hurt less, but it doesn't. Eight years ago today, Rachael died. It still makes my stomach churn when I think of that phone call from Emily and the subsequent phone call the next day telling me they had found her body.
So much has happened since then...so much I wish she would have been here for. So on this anniversary, I would like to write her a letter.
Dear Rachael,
I can't believe it has been so long since I have seen you. This year has been an awesome one. John and I are about to celebrate our 2 year anniversary. I think you would have liked John. He makes me so happy. We just had a baby girl. Her name is Adaline Rachael Gardner. She reminds me of you so much! We named her after you because I hope that she can be like you. I hope that she is as kind as you. I hope that she will love to serve as much as you do. I hope that she loves to dance and sing, especially in the car. I sing to her all the time and we have dance parties. I don't dance as well as you do, but I hope she picks it up. I hope that she will constantly try to help others feel like they belong. I hope that she will be the best older sister ever. I hope that she will love to journal. I even hope that she appreciates Sonic Happy Hour like you did.
All in all, I miss you Rachael. I wish that you were here to be a part of our lives, but I will settle for having you forever in my heart!
Love,
Katie
Monday, August 19, 2013
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Be Mine Forever X 2!!
I was going to post this on facebook, but as I was typing I realized this is more appropriate for the blog. For some reason, being sappy and lovey seems more appropriate when people choose to read it rather than me flinging it onto their Updates page. So here it goes...
For the last 18 months and 28 days, I have been falling madly in love with John Gardner! I love him more today than ever and I'm pretty sure I'll love him even more tomorrow! He is not "romantic" or "sentimental", but he genuinely loves me with all that he does! Last night, I was subjected to sleeping in the recliner because it is the only place I can sleep for more than 25 min at a time. Not only did John tuck me in, but he slept on the couch next to me so that I didn't have to be downstairs alone. The stores can keep their chocolate and their flowers and their cards...that is LOVE! That is true eternal love.
I was blessed to grow up with a father who was a stud at making his girls feel special on Valentine's Day. I always felt loved but I always knew that I was not HIS valentine! He would get us flowers and cards. He would hug us a little tighter and tell us how much he cared. But he also showed us that true eternal love! He would spend time with us. And he was the BEST at making special days feel special! Like on my 16th birthday when he delivered 16 orange roses to my school and then took me out to dinner that night. Keep in mind, my mom had secretly planned a surprise party and was probably the one who physically delivered those flowers, but it was my dad who got the credit. Anyway, my dad is amazing and what I thought was a valentine that could never be replaced. And in so many ways, he will never be... but...
John is my true and eternal valentine! He may not swoon like my dad, but the love is the same. Like 2 nights ago when I was finally able to fall asleep on his chest. I woke up 40 min later with a pool of my saliva on him. I was so embarrassed but he simply said it was good to see me being able to sleep! Who does that? Who let's someone drool all over them for over a half hour? My husband, that's who!! I don't know how I got so lucky to have 2 wonderful valentines in my life, but I am so grateful for them! I'm even more grateful that I get to be sealed with both of them forever!
I am so grateful today and everyday that my dadda raised me with such love and that my sweetheart chose to be with me forever! I love them both with all my heart! I also love this song...John and my first dance...I thought it was perfect that day, but I didn't realize that it would be perfect forever!
Then by Brad Paisley
For the last 18 months and 28 days, I have been falling madly in love with John Gardner! I love him more today than ever and I'm pretty sure I'll love him even more tomorrow! He is not "romantic" or "sentimental", but he genuinely loves me with all that he does! Last night, I was subjected to sleeping in the recliner because it is the only place I can sleep for more than 25 min at a time. Not only did John tuck me in, but he slept on the couch next to me so that I didn't have to be downstairs alone. The stores can keep their chocolate and their flowers and their cards...that is LOVE! That is true eternal love.
I was blessed to grow up with a father who was a stud at making his girls feel special on Valentine's Day. I always felt loved but I always knew that I was not HIS valentine! He would get us flowers and cards. He would hug us a little tighter and tell us how much he cared. But he also showed us that true eternal love! He would spend time with us. And he was the BEST at making special days feel special! Like on my 16th birthday when he delivered 16 orange roses to my school and then took me out to dinner that night. Keep in mind, my mom had secretly planned a surprise party and was probably the one who physically delivered those flowers, but it was my dad who got the credit. Anyway, my dad is amazing and what I thought was a valentine that could never be replaced. And in so many ways, he will never be... but...
John is my true and eternal valentine! He may not swoon like my dad, but the love is the same. Like 2 nights ago when I was finally able to fall asleep on his chest. I woke up 40 min later with a pool of my saliva on him. I was so embarrassed but he simply said it was good to see me being able to sleep! Who does that? Who let's someone drool all over them for over a half hour? My husband, that's who!! I don't know how I got so lucky to have 2 wonderful valentines in my life, but I am so grateful for them! I'm even more grateful that I get to be sealed with both of them forever!
I am so grateful today and everyday that my dadda raised me with such love and that my sweetheart chose to be with me forever! I love them both with all my heart! I also love this song...John and my first dance...I thought it was perfect that day, but I didn't realize that it would be perfect forever!
Then by Brad Paisley
Friday, January 25, 2013
Parasite of the Womb
I warned you that as a teacher, you would only get sporadic updates...
So much has happened in the last few months. Did you see that awesome bench project I posted about???? Yeah, that was the last productive thing I did all summer! Mostly because out of nowhere I was just TIRED all the time! After a couple weeks of feeling like too tired to do anything, I found out that I was pregnant!!!
This pregnancy has been interesting to say the least! I don't know what they are supposed to be like, so maybe this is normal. All I can say is that I truly am grateful for this baby! Even though I had morning sickness until week 22 and occasionally still have it, at least that means my hormones are good right?! Even though I haven't been able to sleep through the night in over 4 months, that means this growth is good right?! Even though I have so much back pain that it hurts to breath and she likes doing cannon balls in my womb, that means she is active and healthy right?! Even though I am an emotional basket case who cries over nothing that means I'm a healthy pregnant woman, right?! And even though I am sooooo tired I can barely function, that means she is getting all my energy right?!
In all honesty, Pregnancy is hard! Making a human is tiring! But then I think about being a mommy! I think about holding this little spit-fire baby in my arms as I rock her to sleep. I think about having a child who wants ME when she is not feeling good. I think of a little girl going with ME to mother-daughter activities. I think going to parent teacher conferences as the PARENT! I think of her fighting with ME as a teen...and then I think back to that cute baby image and move on! And I think, "this is really it! I am going to be a MOM!" I feel like being an aunt, a sister, a missionary, and a teacher have just been little glimpses into what I am about to embark on. I love this baby! She is a dream come true! I get to be her mommy...no pressure!
I still have a few weeks left in this pregnancy (6). There is so much to do that I am ok with the idea that I have 6 weeks. However, this is starting to feel real! I talk to her and she moves. Her dad comes home from work and she does this kicking thing in my ribs that she never does any other time. I read to her and she calms down. I play her music and she wiggles what I think is either her knee or her bum. I am so excited to meet her!
As a separate tangent, I am soooo grateful for my AMAZING husband! John has been my support through all of this. He gets me to laugh even when I don't want to. He tells me I'm beautiful even when I feel fat and ugly...and you know what, I think he means it! He wakes up in the middle of the night when I stir to make sure I am ok. He runs upstairs and downstairs all the time to fetch things I have forgotten. He listens to me talk WAY too much about this baby and not enough about us. I could not have asked for a better support through this pregnancy! And I am so excited for him to be a daddy! When we started dating, it was not uncommon for us to speak about our future families...not realizing that it would be our future family. I knew then that he was going to be a great father! That is part of the reason why I loved him so much so quickly. He is not sappy or sentimental, but there is a look he gets on his face when he rubs my tummy and says "There's a baaaabbbyyyy!" that melts my heart and makes me excited for him to be her dad.
Well, wish me luck in the next 2 months! It will truly be life changing! Who knows when I will post more, hopefully before her 1st birthday!
So much has happened in the last few months. Did you see that awesome bench project I posted about???? Yeah, that was the last productive thing I did all summer! Mostly because out of nowhere I was just TIRED all the time! After a couple weeks of feeling like too tired to do anything, I found out that I was pregnant!!!
This pregnancy has been interesting to say the least! I don't know what they are supposed to be like, so maybe this is normal. All I can say is that I truly am grateful for this baby! Even though I had morning sickness until week 22 and occasionally still have it, at least that means my hormones are good right?! Even though I haven't been able to sleep through the night in over 4 months, that means this growth is good right?! Even though I have so much back pain that it hurts to breath and she likes doing cannon balls in my womb, that means she is active and healthy right?! Even though I am an emotional basket case who cries over nothing that means I'm a healthy pregnant woman, right?! And even though I am sooooo tired I can barely function, that means she is getting all my energy right?!
In all honesty, Pregnancy is hard! Making a human is tiring! But then I think about being a mommy! I think about holding this little spit-fire baby in my arms as I rock her to sleep. I think about having a child who wants ME when she is not feeling good. I think of a little girl going with ME to mother-daughter activities. I think going to parent teacher conferences as the PARENT! I think of her fighting with ME as a teen...and then I think back to that cute baby image and move on! And I think, "this is really it! I am going to be a MOM!" I feel like being an aunt, a sister, a missionary, and a teacher have just been little glimpses into what I am about to embark on. I love this baby! She is a dream come true! I get to be her mommy...no pressure!
I still have a few weeks left in this pregnancy (6). There is so much to do that I am ok with the idea that I have 6 weeks. However, this is starting to feel real! I talk to her and she moves. Her dad comes home from work and she does this kicking thing in my ribs that she never does any other time. I read to her and she calms down. I play her music and she wiggles what I think is either her knee or her bum. I am so excited to meet her!
As a separate tangent, I am soooo grateful for my AMAZING husband! John has been my support through all of this. He gets me to laugh even when I don't want to. He tells me I'm beautiful even when I feel fat and ugly...and you know what, I think he means it! He wakes up in the middle of the night when I stir to make sure I am ok. He runs upstairs and downstairs all the time to fetch things I have forgotten. He listens to me talk WAY too much about this baby and not enough about us. I could not have asked for a better support through this pregnancy! And I am so excited for him to be a daddy! When we started dating, it was not uncommon for us to speak about our future families...not realizing that it would be our future family. I knew then that he was going to be a great father! That is part of the reason why I loved him so much so quickly. He is not sappy or sentimental, but there is a look he gets on his face when he rubs my tummy and says "There's a baaaabbbyyyy!" that melts my heart and makes me excited for him to be her dad.
Well, wish me luck in the next 2 months! It will truly be life changing! Who knows when I will post more, hopefully before her 1st birthday!
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Wooden Bench
My sister just gave me this bench when she moved. It is old and warped and unvarnished. I decided to paint it and put it in my house instead of outside.
This is the beginning product:
This is after I brushed off all of the excess dust, leaves, and debris:
I found a blog online that said that there is a concoction that you can use to clean unvarnished wood. After looking at the ingredients, the only ones I had were Hot water and olive oil. So I got a bucket of hot water and added a splash of olive oil. This is what it looked like after the cleaning. I know it doesn't look much different, but believe me, there was A TON of dirt that I scrubbed off of it!
And to prove it, the pile of dirt was a portion that was swept off of the bench. The bucket used to have clear clean water, but it is now black from all the dirt.
Here is a picture of the freshly spray painted bench:
And these pictures are of the bench after it dried and is in it's home!
It is right in our entryway! I love it and only hope that it doesn't become a magnet for stacks of paper!
All in all, I am pretty impressed with myself. I have never done a project like that by myself before!
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
And so it begins...
When my good friend suggested that I name this blog, Katie's Garden, I immediately thought of this picture with that title. Unfortunately, there is some random Katie that actually gardens who has that as her title of her blog about gardening--go figure. So Della, thank you for reminding me of a sweet picture from my childhood (my grandma got me this print for my 8th birthday--never realizing that I would eventually be Katie Gardner).
Ergo, the winner of my blog naming contests of sorts is Greg who came up with "Diary of a Grateful Gardner". I find that this is actually very fitting as I am going to utilize this blog as a diary of sorts. Also, I am hoping that the title will encourage to make the words I post here positive and full of gratitude, because when I take the time to reflect, I truly am grateful. Even the woes of my life now are blessings. I never would have guessed 1 year ago that I would be in the spot I am now...and for that I am grateful.
Ok, now off the sappy stuff! You may be wondering, "why is she even starting a blog?" Well my friends, I am a teacher, and it is summer and I am trying new things. This means I will probably post a couple times before August, and then be MIA until Christmas break, but I am wanting to try this whole thing out.
If you continue to read, please know that even though I am an educator, I don't really believe that spelling, punctuation, etc matter...(don't tell my students). Hopefully you can keep up on the happenings of the Gardners through this blog... Happy reading....
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