I almost made it through the entire day without crying. I was up early with a teething baby, and out the door to work before my eyes were even fully open. Then I got to work and had students waiting for me. I then taught all day, ate a quick lunch, and finished off with my last class doing group work where a lot of guidance was needed. And then it happened... I burst into tears and sat at my desk. In the last 8 years, this has been the longest I have made it without a breakdown. You would think that my heart wouldn't ache so bad after all this time, but it does. I would have thought naming my daughter after Rachael would make it hurt less, but it doesn't. Eight years ago today, Rachael died. It still makes my stomach churn when I think of that phone call from Emily and the subsequent phone call the next day telling me they had found her body.
So much has happened since then...so much I wish she would have been here for. So on this anniversary, I would like to write her a letter.
Dear Rachael,
I can't believe it has been so long since I have seen you. This year has been an awesome one. John and I are about to celebrate our 2 year anniversary. I think you would have liked John. He makes me so happy. We just had a baby girl. Her name is Adaline Rachael Gardner. She reminds me of you so much! We named her after you because I hope that she can be like you. I hope that she is as kind as you. I hope that she will love to serve as much as you do. I hope that she loves to dance and sing, especially in the car. I sing to her all the time and we have dance parties. I don't dance as well as you do, but I hope she picks it up. I hope that she will constantly try to help others feel like they belong. I hope that she will be the best older sister ever. I hope that she will love to journal. I even hope that she appreciates Sonic Happy Hour like you did.
All in all, I miss you Rachael. I wish that you were here to be a part of our lives, but I will settle for having you forever in my heart!
Love,
Katie
