8 Years

I almost made it through the entire day without crying.  I was up early with a teething baby, and out the door to work before my eyes were even fully open.  Then I got to work and had students waiting for me.  I then taught all day, ate a quick lunch, and finished off with my last class doing group work where a lot of guidance was needed.  And then it happened... I burst into tears and sat at my desk.  In the last 8 years, this has been the longest I have made it without a breakdown.  You would think that my heart wouldn't ache so bad after all this time, but it does.  I would have thought naming my daughter after Rachael would make it hurt less, but it doesn't.  Eight years ago today, Rachael died.  It still makes my stomach churn when I think of that phone call from Emily and the subsequent phone call the next day telling me they had found her body.

So much has happened since then...so much I wish she would have been here for.  So on this anniversary, I would like to write her a letter.

Dear Rachael,
I can't believe it has been so long since I have seen you.  This year has been an awesome one.  John and I are about to celebrate our 2 year anniversary.  I think you would have liked John.  He makes me so happy.  We just had a baby girl.  Her name is Adaline Rachael Gardner.  She reminds me of you so much!  We named her after you because I hope that she can be like you.  I hope that she is as kind as you.  I hope that she will love to serve as much as you do.  I hope that she loves to dance and sing, especially in the car.  I sing to her all the time and we have dance parties.  I don't dance as well as you do, but I hope she picks it up.  I hope that she will constantly try to help others feel like they belong.  I hope that she will be the best older sister ever.  I hope that she will love to journal.  I even hope that she appreciates Sonic Happy Hour like you did.
All in all, I miss you Rachael.  I wish that you were here to be a part of our lives, but I will settle for having you forever in my heart!

Love,
Katie