About 2 weeks ago, I was offered a dream job of mine. I was asked to be the JV Head Girls Basketball coach at my school. I know that doesn't seem like a dream job, but you get to run your own team without having the pressure of running a whole program. If 1 year ago or more they would have asked me, I would have jumped at the chance, but...it wasn't right. The moment the offer was in the air, I knew that I was going to have to turn it down, but I told them I needed time. I spent the next 6 days tormenting myself. With John by my side--willing to support me whatever my decision was--I prayed, fasted, went to the temple, studied the scriptures, and even went to the Relief Society broadcast. My mind was drawn to Elder Oaks talk from October 2007 which encouraged us to seek for what is BEST, not just settle for what is GOOD or BETTER, but strive for BEST. I really needed to sort out my priorities. What was best? After a while, the conclusion that I came to was that being the best, most attentive mom was what was best. If there was energy left after that then I could do what was better (church service, teaching, etc). And only after that if I had time for Good should I spend time with that. I ached because I knew that turning down the job meant that whoever the coach was wouldn't be the best influence on the girls. Didn't I have an obligation to help them? The short answer is, NO. My obligation is first to my God, then to my Husband and Daughter. I must not lose sight of that.
The trouble with have a Good, Better, Best choice as opposed to a good vs. evil choice is that when the choice comes with the latter, an instant settlement of peace comes into our hearts, knowing we made the right choice. When you choose best, there are still some good and better things being sacrificed.
Since this choice, I have been working through some very minor resentments toward my family.
It has been in those moments that I think I am FINALLY starting to understand the sacrifices made by my mother. It made me think of a song that she used to cry when we sang it. I didn't get it...now I do,...
In The Meantime 
In her heart she holds the dreams
That she’s carried since the day
she turned thirteen
Of all that she would be when she
was grown
Of all that she would do when she
was finally on her own
She dreamed she’d fly
And she’s still waiting for the
chance to try
That she’s carried since the day
she turned thirteen
Of all that she would be when she
was grown
Of all that she would do when she
was finally on her own
She dreamed she’d fly
And she’s still waiting for the
chance to try
But in the meantime she’s a mother
and a daughter and a wife
Doing all she can to stay above
the daily grind
And she wonders when she’ll ever
have more meaning in her life
She doesn’t know she’s being
molded and refined
In the meantime
and a daughter and a wife
Doing all she can to stay above
the daily grind
And she wonders when she’ll ever
have more meaning in her life
She doesn’t know she’s being
molded and refined
In the meantime
Someday she’ll go back to school
When the carpools and the soccer
games are through
‘ Cause deep inside she’s still
the girl
Who’s always felt the fire to make
a difference in the world
She dreams she’ll soar
When she finally has the time to
do more
When the carpools and the soccer
games are through
‘ Cause deep inside she’s still
the girl
Who’s always felt the fire to make
a difference in the world
She dreams she’ll soar
When she finally has the time to
do more
But in the meantime she’s a sister
and a teacher and a friend
Hours turn into days that turn to
years that never end
And she wonders when she’ll ever
really find herself again
Bus she’s becoming one on whom
God can depend
In the meantime
and a teacher and a friend
Hours turn into days that turn to
years that never end
And she wonders when she’ll ever
really find herself again
Bus she’s becoming one on whom
God can depend
In the meantime
Heaven feels the joy of every
victory in her life
And heaven hears her heart before
she cries
Somewhere in the middle of the
triumphs and the trials
She’s becoming sanctified
victory in her life
And heaven hears her heart before
she cries
Somewhere in the middle of the
triumphs and the trials
She’s becoming sanctified
But in the meantime she’s an
answer and a blessing and a gift
To every empty, aching heart that
only she can lift
Still she wonders if she’ll ever get
to see where heaven is
If she could only see her mansion
waiting there
If she could only feel how much
her Father cares
She would know she’s being
perfectly prepared
In the meantimeanswer and a blessing and a gift
To every empty, aching heart that
only she can lift
Still she wonders if she’ll ever get
to see where heaven is
If she could only see her mansion
waiting there
If she could only feel how much
her Father cares
She would know she’s being
perfectly prepared
I have waited all my life to be "in the meantime". Although I had to wait longer than most, I have been able to finish school and have a great career. But all of those accomplishments pail in comparison when my sweet Addie nestles into my shoulder and giggles. I know that there will be many sacrifices to be made to ensure that I get to be with Addie as much as possible. But I just need to stay the course and keep perspective!!!
I love being a mom! It is the greatest thing that ever stunk so bad! I love my sweet baby who is now asleep, so I must go to bed!
